Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Interview with my Critical Voice

So, my Critical Voice is probably loud enough for you to hear, right? It's certainly blaring in my ears and sounds like the voice of Fran Drescher with an undertone of chalkboard scratching... just in case you can't hear it, let me transcribe our latest conversation.

CV: So, my dear (snark snark), you've gone and quit your job, is that right?

Me: Why, yes, Critical Voice, I have. I quit my job. After 9 years I am ready to do something new. Isn't that exciting??

CV: Interesting. Something new. What will you be doing? When do you start your new job?

Me: Well..umm...uhhh... you see I don't actually have a new job yet. I did have one...but I rejected it when I realized my new would-be boss was a total jerk who would make my life a living hell.

CV: WHHAAT? You quit your job and you have no job to fall back on? What the hell?! Did you at least give like 2 months notice to give you time to find something else?

Me: No, not really. My last day at the office is August 23.

CV: THAT IS NEXT WEEK (scccrraaaaatch)!

Me: I am aware of that.

CV: At least you have been in Boston a good four years. You know the lay of the land, thank god.

Me: HAHA, well, Voicey my friend, that brings up a whole different issue. I am moving. To Long Island.

CV: Oh.My.God. You are going to give me a heart attack. Long Island? Don't you know that is where Amy Fisher was from? You know what happened to her, right?

ME: I promise not to have an affair with a married man and shoot his wife in the head and become a Lifetime Movie Event.

CV: well, that's at least some good news. Did you already find an apartment? I know you had your eye on that cute little neighborhood, Point Lookout.

ME: True, I love that little area. So nice, near the beach, friendly people. You are right, I would love to live there...but...

CV: oh no, don't tell me.

ME: Without a paycheck, I can't really sign a new lease now can I? So, I know it isn't necessarily ideal but sometimes that's just the way things go. I am going to stay with Damir for a little bit until the job situation stabilizes.

CV: You're moving in with him?

Me: Well, not really MOVING in. Just staying. For a while. Until...

CV: Right. So, you are telling me that you are essentially HOMELESS and JOBLESS.

Me: Well, if you look at it that way...

CV: it's my job to look at it that way.

Me: Right. I guess it is being Critical Voice and all.

CV: You've lost your mind. I go away for a little vacation and you go and quit your job, leave your home and move in with a guy you've been seeing for...how long? Six months?

Me: Let's see... more like 4 months or so. Give or take a couple of days.

CV: &^*&%(*%#!

Me: Now, CV, there's no need for that kind of crude language.
CV?
Hello?
What happened?
Are you still there?

CV: Errrghhghhhhh.......................... ... .. . . . . .

* * *

And....scene.

* * *

Yes my friends. I am selling everything I can, letting go of my fabulous cozy apartment, and starting a new life. I have no job, but a lot of chutzpah. I have no house of my own, but a family that welcomes me with open arms. Best of all, waiting for me is an amazing man who makes all the worry and stress (and bad match.com dates) worth it all. Strangely enough...it's really not that scary. Not scary at all!

5 comments:

GoWild39 said...

"boss was a total jerk who would make my life a living hell"

NOW YOU KNOW HOW YOUR TEAM FEELS.

Terra said...

Ahh, Comcast user from Salem, MA. How very brave of you. Thanks for reading my blog, please come back often!

Ashbloem said...

Oh, isn't that cute? You have a disgruntled 22-year-old who obviously has nothing better to do reading your blog. Everyone needs one, really.

Anonymous said...

Wait...everyone needs a blog or everyone needs a disgruntled 22-year-old?

Ashbloem said...

A disgruntled 22-year-old, of course! It lends further entertainment value.