I can't take it.
This work place is simply ridiculous on so many fronts. First, essentially no permitted contact with the outside world. No external email, no internet access, and no personal phone calls. That combined with no windows... it really is a prison!
How about this for ridiculous:
I report to the CEO, Mr. Herman. The person responsible for training me, Myra, just happens to be his wife. But, she also refers to him as "Mr. Herman". For example:
Me: Myra, those are beautiful pictures of a baby on your cubicle.
Myra: That's Daisy, Mr. Herman's grandaughter.
I can't imagine being 65 working in a cubicle refering to my husband (in his own windowless horribly decorated office) as Mr. So and So. She surfs the internet all day. She has internet. Being the boss' wife has priveledges. Except you can't call him by his first name in front of the plebs.
A woman scowled at me yesterday for failing to correctly transfer a call to her properly. Yes, an acutual SCOWL. Nevermind the fact that no one showed me how the phone (or fax or copier or wacky internal network or anything else) works.
No one talks to each other.
No one smiles.
No one looks like they are glad to be there.
The bathroom is grey too.
They introduced me en masse to the team yesterday. This is how it went:
Team Leader: Does anyone else have any searches today? No?
HR Manager: Oh, I forgot, I'd like to introduce our new Corporate Trainer. Everyone, this is Terra. She is our new Corporate Trainer.
(people politely smile without showing their teeth and a few limply wave)
Team Leader: Ok, welcome. Is that all?
HR Manager: Yes.
So I ask you this: what is the fastest you ever quit a job? How much notice do you think I need to give after 2 days of work?