Slap me on the wrist, I say....

Ugh, I am such a bad girl. I have been ignoring all five of you who chance upon my blog each day. I will try to make it up with this "super-size me blog" speeding you through the events of the last week....

So, starting with last Friday night, I went out to play pool and hear bad music with the boys. We were upstairs at some bar listening to some band who played mostly bad covers of bad songs. There was a large group of college-aged girlfriends dancing it up, which made me nostalgic for the days when I would go out with a big group of girls and dance with abandonment in a circle around the bonfire pyramid of our purses. I asked myself... When did I start to take things so seriously? I felt really old.

Saturday night I met up with Ashlee and Geary for what was supposed to be an Appetizer Tour of the South End. Little did Ashlee and Geary know, I had visions of dancing around our purses in the middle B&G Oysters but it never came to be. Towards the end of the evening we were happy and content hanging with restaurant owner, Jimmy, at Joe V's. We stayed snuggly on our barstools while it poured rain outside and had another bottle of wine which led to some creative work with the digicam....


Above is a replica of the photo at Joe V's of the owner Jimmy. Yes, for those of you who were wondering, Geary is named after the former mayor of San Francisco who was her great-uncle. I think. It was definitely a relative. I don't really remember which one it was. But we'll go with great-uncle.

Sunday morning was a hoot. I got up early and promptly set off the smoke alarm. Smoking? No. Burnt toast? Nope. Over-heated hair dryer? Nu-uh (those are all the ways I may have at some point or another set off smoke alarms).

So, how did I do it?

Self-tanning.

Yes. I set off the smoke alarm by trying to achieve my goal of being a bronze goddess (which isn't working at all to my great dismay). You see, those crafty scientists at Neutrogena made a self-tanning spray that is supposedly fool proof. And when it comes to tanning lotions, I am one BIG fool. I always end up looking like some rejected zebra with the knees and elbows of an elephant. Here's what Neutrogena says about their MicroMist Sunless Tanning Spray™ :

Neutrogena® MicroMist™ Tanning Sunless Spray applies like a professional airbrush spray for an all over worry-free, "just back from the beach tan." this revolutionary, ultra-fine mist covers evenly, for easy, no-rub application. The one-touch continuous spray works at any angle to tan hard-to-reach places—even your back. It dries fast and won't clog pores. Now, random streaks, missed spots and orange palms are a thing of the past. Dries in 5 minutes. Oil-free. Non-comedogenic (won't clog pores).

I'll be honest, it was the "no rub application" description that sold me. SO, there I am in my little bathroom, naked (duh, funny how it doesn't work if you actually have clothes on), and trying to spray the MicroMist™ evenly over my pasty white body. Just when I am getting the the hard
part-- the back-- my smoke alarm starts blaring.

For a moment I didn't know what to do... move and I might wreck my paint job (uh-oh, better get Maaco!). Stay still and I might have to face an angry neighbor beating down my door to see if I am OK and who instead finds me stark naked standing there like a deer caught in the headlights. But hopefully with a damn good tan. Tricky stuff, trying to be a bronze goddess. In the end I ran into the living room (convinced that once again scary man in the office across the street staring into my windows), grabbed my jean jacket and started swinging it wildly over my head in the direction of the alarm trying to get some fresh air into it.

Several hours later, I still looked like a rejected zebra with the knees and elbows of an elephant. Damn you MicroMist™ !

Monday and Tuesday I had to go to a work-sponsered management seminar where I supposedly learned new managerial skills through the following activities:

1) Art Contests
2) Skits involving: singing, dancing, and show tunes
3) Shots
4) Drinking songs sung in foreign languages at the top of our lungs
5) Presentations on, "I am different because..." (oooh, so many ways to answer that one!)
6) Heated discussions on who should be on the bus

That brings us more or less up to date.... so there you go!

*For goodness sake, if you set a plate of huge chocolate cake, un-ordered and un-requested I might add, in front of 3 tipsy girls.... it goes against human nature to then actually make them pay for it. Am I crazy?