Prison Break.

I can't take it.

This work place is simply ridiculous on so many fronts. First, essentially no permitted contact with the outside world. No external email, no internet access, and no personal phone calls. That combined with no windows... it really is a prison!

How about this for ridiculous:

I report to the CEO, Mr. Herman. The person responsible for training me, Myra, just happens to be his wife. But, she also refers to him as "Mr. Herman". For example:

Me: Myra, those are beautiful pictures of a baby on your cubicle.
Myra: That's Daisy, Mr. Herman's grandaughter.

huh?

I can't imagine being 65 working in a cubicle refering to my husband (in his own windowless horribly decorated office) as Mr. So and So. She surfs the internet all day. She has internet. Being the boss' wife has priveledges. Except you can't call him by his first name in front of the plebs.

A woman scowled at me yesterday for failing to correctly transfer a call to her properly. Yes, an acutual SCOWL. Nevermind the fact that no one showed me how the phone (or fax or copier or wacky internal network or anything else) works.

No one talks to each other.
No one smiles.
No one looks like they are glad to be there.
The bathroom is grey too.

They introduced me en masse to the team yesterday. This is how it went:

Team Leader: Does anyone else have any searches today? No?
HR Manager: Oh, I forgot, I'd like to introduce our new Corporate Trainer. Everyone, this is Terra. She is our new Corporate Trainer.
(people politely smile without showing their teeth and a few limply wave)
Team Leader: Ok, welcome. Is that all?
HR Manager: Yes.

So I ask you this: what is the fastest you ever quit a job? How much notice do you think I need to give after 2 days of work?

Mr. Mr.

OK, so news:

I GOT A JOB.

A real job. Not walking dogs. Not doing makeovers for Mary Kay (a brief consideration). I am the new Corporate Trainer for a company in Manhattan, Times Square to be exact. I am replacing a woman who is having a baby. I did some training with her last week and start full time next week. With any job, there is good, bad, and ugly...

The Good:
My working hours are 9-5, an hour for lunch and from what they tell me, no required overtime or weekends. Ole`! Its amazing to me how much unpaid overtime I put in to my last job. I knew it was part of the deal, and didn't complain, but an a huge plus is knowing that with this job I will be heading home at 5pm every day.

I won't be managing staff in this job. I like managing staff, and in the past have had employees both love and hate me. It's such a rollercoaster, I am glad not to worry about it for a while.

Times Square Baby! I love the buzz.

I think that corporate training is a good career move for me, and something I might truly love. Getting my feet wet in this arena could lead to some great things down the line.

The Bad:
Well, the office itself is a dim, dark, grey place. I already mentioned this. No windows. No pretty offices. Cubicles. It is so dreary.

The commute. It could be worse, for sure, but still. To get to Times Square, I walk 3 blocks to the train station, take a 35 minute express train to Penn Station, and walk about 8 blocks (or take one subway stop) to Times Sq. I guess it's about an hour door to door. It isn't horrible, the train is peaceful and fast and you can always get a seat. Oh, but a 1 month pass costs like $200. Ouch.

The Ugly:
Man... the benefits are SOO bad. So. So. So. bad. No 401(k). No vacation the first year (although they said they would turn a blind eye for a few days). Restricted sick days. No tuition reimbursement, no donation matching. Oh, and they only pay about 1/3 of my insurance. Thats another couple of hundred out of my pocket each month. Oy.

The Weird:
OK, I can't get over this, really! I call my boss by his last name. Mister Herman (not his real name). Everyone calls him this. Yes, he is the founder and CEO of the firm, but still it kills me. I can't remember the last time I called someone I had a close working relationship with "Mister" or "Mrs". I want to laugh each time I say it, or hear someone else say it. "Good Morning Mr. Herman" "Oh, Mr. Herman will work with you on that project" (inside I say tee-heee-heee!)

It's a paycheck. I can always quit if I don't like it!

...And how would you do??

I had to take a 150 question psychological exam yesterday as my final stage of interviews for this position I am up for. A bunch of the questions were like this:

Choose which represents you most and least:

- I think rules and regulations should be followed regardless of consequences
- People are trustworthy
- Money should only be spent if it increases your power or position
- Good leaders should consider the feelings of all the staff before proceeding

Yeah. There were about 100 of these kinds of questions.

Then there was a logic section. I am going to put it out there.... I only ever failed ONE class in my life and it was LOGIC. Sure, I retook the class and got a B+ leading me to believe:

All students fail the class if the teacher is supremely bad.
The teacher of my logic class in college was supremely bad.
I failed the class.

OK, all students didn't fail... but a bunch did. I hated that class. Which is so funny because I consider myself a pretty analytical person. But I hate these kinds of questions and love them all at the same time. Weird, no?

Anyway, I am getting off track. Yesterday I had to answer 50 analytical questions like these.

Select the choice that best completes the relationship:

1) 23: 3,983 as 32: ?

a. 3,839
b. 3,994
c. 4,874
d. 9,599

2) C A R R ?

a. S
b. X
c. I
d. Y

3) 60 30 20 15 12 ?

a. 13
b. 6
c. 10
d. 4

4) AFZUGLT?

a. P
b. O
c. D
d. I

5) Which sequence doesn't belong?

a. BMSK
b. VSPM
c. GSMP
d. KPMS

6) EHLQ?

a. W
b. V
c. Y
d. Z

So now I am just waiting for a call to find out if I am smart enough and emotionally stable enough to be offered the grey office job. Wish me luck. I think.

If a car travels 18.75 miles in 30 minutes...

I had an interview on Friday for a "Corporate Trainer" position for a staffing firm. The job sounds pretty good, actually. I would be training the sales staff on how to better negotiate positions between candidates and clients. The office is in the middle of Times Square, but is hideously ugly. Grey walls, grey carpet, no windows. Who thought this was a good thing? I can see it now...

Office designer: Ohh, look at this color! I love it! It's so bleak and boring! GREY !
Manager: YES! Awesome! People will be so bored by their office environment that they will be forced to work Work WORK!
Office designer: Why, YES! I never thought of that, perfect!


The funny thing was that after a great interview with a lovely Irish woman, I had to take a test. In 12 minutes I had to answer as many questions as I could. The questions tested my math, vocabulary and logic skills. Ugh! I wasn't ready for it at all. When is the last time YOU added fractions?? If I get to the second interview, I have to take another test, this one takes about 2 hours and tests my psychological ability to handle this job. Wha??

OK, in other news, I have a confession to make.

I got the fake nails. What's worse, I got them in the "french manicure" style. You know what they say... when in Rome...

They look awesome.

Snippets

My efforts to find a new gym have not yet been fruitful. I did go to Bally Total Fitness where a man with a huge beer gut and hickey on his neck showed me the facilities. Eww.

****

People like to put flags on their cars here. So far, I have encountered the following flags:

- US
- Israel
- Mexico
- Italy
- Boston College (?)
- Yankees
- Mets

****

There is a nail salon on every other corner and 9 out of 10 women here sport fake nails. I feel the peer pressure to have mine done.

Emotional Debris

I didn't plan to go to Ground Zero. It just sort of happened.

I woke up before dawn yesterday after a night of tossing and turning. At 5am I woke up D. and asked him if it was crazy to just go down there. Now. At 5am. He said "of course it isn't crazy, you should go". That's one of the reasons why I love him. He gets it.

I was already on the Long Island Express to Penn Station before the sun rose.

I exited Penn Station at 34th Street and just started walking. I walked all the way down to the Financial District taking in Chelsea, the West Village, Soho and Tribeca along the way. The sky was very very blue (just like it was 5 years before, they say) and the air was crisp and fresh.

I never imagined 5 years ago (not that my mind was on anything other than the terrible events of the day) that I would actually be living in the city I was watching on TV. I never wanted to live in (or near) NYC. But, strangely enough, I find that I love it. Fate is funny that way.

I took a handful of pictures yesterday morning. Feel free to have a look if you wish. I am so glad I was there.

The Name is Walker...

...DOG Walker...

I have lined up the first of several freelance gigs. I am the newest dog walker/pet sitter for a local company. Its pretty sweet, actually. I go to people's homes, play with their pets, and get paid to do it! And tipped! My first client is a golden retriver puppy that I will go play with 4 days a week. This makes me unspeakably happy since my first dog was a golden retriver puppy and I understand how much love and attention they need, since ours ate through the breakfast room wall while left home alone during the day. They are in the final stages of checking my background and references, so I should be on my way with leash in hand shortly.

D and I went to DC last weekend for a little sightseeing, checking out the neighborhood where I grew up, and picking up my dad's truck that I am borrowing until early spring.

Thankfully it was pretty cool and not as muggy as I had feared. We did some driving around Hillandale, Potomac, Bethesda and Chevy Chase. We even did a tour of the momuments by night in the truck and I didn't even get too lost! In the day we walked around the Mall and went to several of the museums, just managing to catch the American History Museum before they closed yesterday until 2008 for rennovations.

Yesterday I started studying in earnest for the NYC guide exam. This won't be easy since I am very much starting from scratch. First, I am mapping out all the places, people and events I want to study (see the index cards). Then I will visit each place and take a picture of each important building or site to attach to the cards. I haven't studied in so long, it's hard to remember how to start. I think I will need a good 6 months before I feel ready to take the exam.


I have been getting more and more comfortable here in the apartment. I had a funny conversation with Joe (D's dad likes to be called Joe for some reason) the other day. He was either saying that carrots don't go well in a salad, he doesn't like carrots or carrots are good for eyesight. I am not sure which of the three. Or maybe it was something totally different. Hm.